Your “relationship myth” underpins YOUR relationship, how it is happening in the moment and where it is headed! It impacts on every aspect of your relationship because it is the foundation of your story that influences your relationship on a moment-to-moment basis. And if you ever wonder “why isn’t my relationship working out how I wanted?” then it could be that your relationship myth is impacting on the story or myth that underpins every aspect of how you experience your relationship – what it is and how it influences you daily!
I recently worked with “Judy” who wanted her partner to be “more supportive” while she was building her new business. She complained that “I supported him while he was setting up his business” and “I was the one who paid all the bills, looked after the house, and worked full-time so that he could focus on his business. So, why won’t he do the same thing for me?”
The answer to that question (posed by many female business owners) can often be found in the “relationship myth” that underlies their relationship.
To uncover Judy’s relationship myth, I asked her to tell me about how she met “David” and what happened at their first meeting.
Judy told me that she met David through some mutual friends and when she first met him, he didn’t really seem interested in her – in fact he spent that first time hanging out with his mates and talking about their dreams of making it big in the business world. It wasn’t until she met him again a few months later, that he really talked to her – he told her about how excited he was with his dream business and that he was looking forward to taking the next step to up-level and expand. During the meeting he demonstrated his passion for his ideas, and he talked about how he “knew he could make it work!” Judy loved how passionate he was and she admired him for being so focussed on achieving his dreams! As Judy reflected on the early days of their relationship, she talked about she and David started hanging out and how, on most occasions, he would talk about his new business venture. Judy was caught up in his excitement and his dream, and she was happy to support him to pursue his business goals when they married 12 months later.
At this point, Judy stopped talking and I asked her what was happening. She said that she had just realised that David had never expressed any interest in her business and that all of his energy was always focussed on his own endeavours – in fact, he often talked about how lucky he was that Judy had supported him and that she had made achieving his dreams so much easier because “she was 100% part of his business journey!”.
During the following sessions, we discussed how the “relationship myth” had been reinforced over the years, with David putting all of his energy into his business and how Judy had supported this by also focussing on David’s dreams to the detriment of her own. Judy had tried to talk to David about how she felt, but David didn’t appear to understand that Judy wanted their relationship myth to change and that she wanted things to be different- she wanted David to support her the same way that she had supported him!
This happens frequently because, as in Judy and David’s case, until someone challenges the established relationship patterns, then the relationship will continue on the same track that its always been on! Over the next few months, as we worked together, Judy identified her own relationship goals and what she wanted from their relationship. This meant that she needed to challenge the established “relationship rules” by exploring her relationship myth. Together we identified what Judy could do to talk to David about her own business dreams and goals and develop new ways of communicating and expressing her own needs. This was new territory for Judy and it also impacted on their relationship as she confronted their relationship norms and established new ways of getting her own needs met.
Judy and David are now exploring their relationship with Judy expressing her own needs, goals and dreams. Both are now communicating in a new way and have committed to a new relationship norm that takes into account both their dreams and goals. As their relationship evolves, so does their “relationship myth” change, grow and develop!
What is YOUR relationship myth? How does it impact on your own goals?
If you would like to talk more about YOUR relationship myth and how it is affecting your business, then click here or follow the link; https://bookme.name/KayRossBiz/lite/coaching. For a limited time only, enter the code- 25discount -and receive a 25% discount for anyone who books before 31 August!